Weblog

Thursday, 12 November 2009

  • So Patt can't come to the movies anymore.

    I didn't let him know but it hurt.... like really hurt.

    And I'm sad.

  • Part of IM convos with Patt

    Some IMs between Patt and me:

    P:im busy friday
    E:so maybe not this weekend.
    P:deffinatley church
    E:yeah
    P:i dont think thats enough time for me
    E:well... i dont know then
    P:i miss you to much

    HAha i'm evil
    P:but that means ill be right up against you
    E:just a suggestion
    P:and my body would be pressed right against you
    E:yeah....
    P:and i might get....
    E:might get....?
    P:your going to make me say it?
    E:i haven't a clue what you're getting at. we could just pretend you never said it, if that makes you feel better...?
    P:ok ok, ill explain saturday if you want
    E:idc. you don't have to explain to me at all. if you dont wanna
    P:well its a possibilty if we're that close
    E:ok.... somethings a possibility if we're close.
    P:wow really? if your right up against me i might get....
    E:handsy?
    P:well yes but another thing too
    E:umm dominant?
    P:no no, you really dont know?
    E:no. do you want me to keep guessing or drop it?
    P:im worried it would freak oyu out
    E:haha, takes a lot to freak me out
    P:ok im going ot tell you then
    E:ok
    P:if we're that close, i might get...it starts with har and ends with d
    E:ok. hard so.....?
    P:so im just saying
    E:lol its fine. your not the first
    P:you didnt notice last weekend?
    E:haha i knew
    P:you felt it?
    E:yup
    P:you didnt mind?
    E:uhmm nope



    E:lmao Tina just told me I'm so cute
    P:Tina who?
    E:Tina Huang. From Tiwan
    P:oh. well thats odd, but she's right
    E:haha aww your so cute.
    P:eh maybe. but theres no question you are. it takes a lot to through off my bowling game
    E:haha i'm sorry, I cant help making faces at you, your reaction is so funny
    P:haha to be honest, i kinda liked those faces. and i still owned you
    E:yeah, well I told you i'm horrible at bowling
    P:you owned everyone first game

    P:do any of your friends know about us?
    E:from which group?
    P:either
    E:well Tian does... and so does Beena
    P:and about...all of what "us" is?
    E:and what are are we?
    P:thats a good question
    E:yeah it is
    P:well we're deffinately friends, but are we more?
    E:can i use my usual answer? I dont know
    P:i think its more a question of do you want to be, but we dont need to talk about it now
    E:well, do you want to be?
    P:i would rather have this talk in person to be honest
    E:ok. i would too
    P:sunday?



    P:haha im a nerd
    E:a cute loveable nerd
    P:haha i guess that makes two of us<3
    E:yeah <3
    P:why do you have to be so damn cute?
    E:haha i'm not though
    P:lier
    E:I just act cute
    P:aaaand you are cute
    E:your cute too
    P:is that why you like makeing out?
    E:why i like making out with you?
    P:yeah
    E:no. I'm not that shallow
    P:its a part of it though right? but whats the main reason?
    E:haha, well, I guess its cuz i like you. stupid yeah
    P:like me or like like me?
    E:whats the difference?
    P:well do you like me as a friend or like...the other kind
    E:to get out of this question I'm going to say: I dont know
    P:youll tell me sunday?
    E:yeah I guess I will… Do you make out with me because I'm cute?
    P:thats a peice of it i guess, but its more than that

    Talking about making out:
    E:thats good. I hope you never get bored of it
    P:oh my god how could i?!
    E:i dont know. probably somehow
    P:i highly doubt that
    E:good

    One with Andyy
    Andy: Well hey your really cute but not the hottest : P no offense i have someone else in mind
    Emma: Haha, your so narcissistic!
    Andy: How did you know I was talking about myself?!? but still you are ;)
    Emma: Thanks, but I’m interested in someone else

    I'm telling Patt to go to bed.
    P:haha but if i talk to you i get less angry at thursday and friday for existing
    E:sorry.... i dont know what to say
    P: say that you... nvm
    E:say what?
    P:nothing, i dont know if you would
    E:tell me and i'll decided
    P:no, it has to do with what we are. and its kinda a big deal
    E:ok...
    P:sorry, hopefully ill say it to you this weekend, and then you might say it back
    E:ok. is it ok if i'm totally lost
    P:yes. its also kinda cute
    E:haha thanks. i get lost often....but go to bed
    P:no
    E:ok fineee
    P:i like talking to you. deal with it
    E:but what if you get too tired and you cant function tomorrow and you get a bad grade or something. then i'd feel terrible.
    P:relax. im a clever boy
    E:i know, i just dont want you to suffer because of me
    P:this is suffering?
    E:not me. your grades and school
    P:A. Its worth it. B. its not that late. c. I like you to much
    E:ok, i cant argue against those
    P:especially c
    E:no definitely not c
    P:i cant even fix that one
    E:i'm sorry....?
    P:you should be. Why you have to be so damn cute and loveable?
    E:haha, i can say the same for you
    P:you know even if we werent talking i would be thinking about you. I'm always thinking about you too
    like when i wake up im waiting for texts and when i go to bed i miss you the most... is that obsesive?
    E:uhmm i dont know
    P:did it freak you out?
    E:haha. i dont think so. i'm just at a loss to what to say back
    P:sorry if that was to much
    E:no it wasn't i'm glad i know
    P:your glad you know what?
    E:a lot about how you feel about me
    P:well there it is. im not really into the hinting in this case
    E:wow um thanks. i dont know what to say. i'm really sorry

    yeah, I'm actually going to post a real blog sometime next week, just studying off for my Latin final coming up!

Sunday, 08 November 2009

  • The first time I'm happy in a while and it all come crashing down on me.

    So I went to find Patt's house and I accidentally pulled in the CJ's house and was one house over. When I went there Patt's mom and dad talked about me as a little kid and how well they knew my mom and stuff. So yeah, it wasn't was awkward as I thought it was going to be. Patt and I drove to Beena's house and hung out with Rick, Lesley, Chris and Beena before we went bowling. At bowling I won the first game, I crushed them all and Patt said the only way I won was because I kept on distracting him with my cute faces I would make at him. So he would hug me so I couldn't see anyone elses strategy and so I couldn't make my "cute faces" at him. And then he stole my seat, and made me sit on his lap. And when I wouldn't he pulled me down to sit on his lap. Which gave Chris the idea to have Beena sit on his lap. :)

    So then I came in fourth in the second game.... and fourth in the thrid game. So it was fun. And then We went back to Beena's house (thankfully I got to drive) and hung out. On the way back, Beena and Chris made out it the back, woot woot! You go gurll. So anyways we hung and talked there. And then I drove Patt back home and he told me to pull over so I did, and he was like, "So... you wanna kiss?" And I was like, "Um... I don't know." He said, "So then say yes."

    So I did and then he leaned over and we were making out. It was soooo fucking good. Like seriously, We made out for like 20 minutes and he pulled me over on to his seat on top of him and leaned the seat back. And then I tired to convince him we should get him back to his house and he kept on beggin for one more minute and wouldn't let me up. It was so amazing, except he started shaking near the end, so weird.

    And I saw him at church. I taught with his mom and then at the bruncheon I served coffee and sat next to him. After that we went up to the rooms and when I heard Mallory (a girl that really likes him) in another room I went to call her and he grabbed me, and starts kissing me. In CHURCH! It was actually kinda hott. And he pushed me against a wall. And we made out for like 10 minutes, and then I pointed out he had to go to class. And he said he didn't want to leave me and we made out for another minute and Mallory started calling him and he ignored her until I stopped him and made him go to class.

    Here are some part of out iming convo:
    hey
    hey. missed you
    haha i missed you more
    haha aww your so sweet

    haha, were dorks, but loveable dorks
    well idk about me, but you are
    I know I am. I'm such a dork, people just love me!
    i meant the loveable part
    aww. your so loveable too
    maybe, idk. I do know you are though
    aww thanks. but you are too!
    haha your a good kisser
    thanks. your wicked good
    haha if im good, and your good, then we should kiss more often
    that makes sense, but are you ok with kissing a loveable dork
    haha is it also Emma?
    yeah i guess it is
    then im very ok
    good!
    i actually very much want to

    oo nicee, i noticed how all you buttons were unbuttoned on your polo. was that for mallory?
    haha deffinately not. why were you looking there? were you checking me out?
    cuz thats about my height... you abnormally tall person
    haha you werent looking at my chest?
    nahhh of course not...... maybe.....
    haha were you checking me out?
    nahhh of course not why would i do something like that
    idk, maybe you find me attractive.
    :)
    haha do you?!?
    maybeee :)
    just admit it so i dont feel weird about thinking your so cute
    yeahh i do
    i think your cute (and sexy when your on me)

    yes, just us, but i gtg, prep for school and stuff. Text me when you wake up ok?
    ok i will
    goodnight
    goodnight
    <33333 *kiss*
    <33333 *kiss*


    yeah I thought he was kinda into me or something. Lol, yes I am a facebook stalker. I go on and look at his profile and see he is in a complicated relationship with some girl. Ouchh... It's like Big T all over again. Lmao. Say hello to my new Friend with Benifits. so somehow I have to figure out how to stop this.... But I really like it... I don't know what to do....

    Oh and Megan doesn't talk to her father and her dad said that he was now going to come to all her school events unless she caled him and told him why he shouldn't come. Say hello to blackmail.

Thursday, 05 November 2009

  • Stupid Girl

    My life isn't interesting at all, but I do know the concert went extremely well, I had so much fun!

    I've barely eaten these past few day. For some reason I enjoy the gnawing of hunger in my stomach. It makes me feel alive and like not everyday is some boring routine. I've been running, trying to clear my head. I just keep going and going, in circles. Another routine, just going in circles. I want to smoke. Just one, they help too and my mind is screwed up insanely. But the store wont sell me matches because I'm under 18.

    Now onto Pat, this might be one of the few things I ever regret. And seriously, I only regret like, 2 things in my life. I am actually like, extremely sad about all of this...

    I think he just wants me for my body. He doesn't have any intention of actually dating me. Maybe I'm just some sort of prize to him, and our conversations are getting scary intimate. This is a text from him: "Haha anything you can put out I can take and want. Anything you can do, I want you to do it twice."

    Haha. ouchh. It's probably cuz I'm easy, well, I think I'm easy.... And he wants to go for a walk in the woods before we go bowling, kind of sketchy, but he said it was for the privacy. What? The privacy to rape me and kill me? And he said to keep it a secret, he said it was ok to tell Beena so I did, who told everyone and I got mad at her. But truth is this makes me so nervous, this whole thing in it's entire. Some small part of me just hopes that he'll ask me out there because he doesn't want to on AIM, hahahaha but how stupid could I possibly be?

    The answer: veryy.

Sunday, 01 November 2009

  • So I had a fantastic weekend ☺

    Saturday I went to work and nothing exciting happened. I mean absolutely nothing. I got 6 free eggs because Kate is frantically trying to sell them to me and I don’t wanna pay 5 dollars for fresh, organic, free-range eggs. Sorry, So I went home, took a shower, watched a CSI and waited for dad to get back. It was warm so we drove to Cycle Design, but it was wet and raining, my pants got soaked. In there was a guy named Dann and I told him I wanted a green bike and he put me on a Honda sports bike, and complained about a few features so then he put me on this one that looked mike a bike and I complained about it. And then after two more bikes me put me on a Suzuki Gladius. We tried a few more after that but we kept coming to the Gladius. I want it! I need it! I’d get it…. if it wasn’t 6,900 dollars.

    Then after we got back I went and got Beena. We hang in my room as I put in my creepy contacts and went over to Mrs. B…. on the moped. Yeah we’re lazy. We hung out there and ate candy as Mrs. B reminisced about the past and the kids who used to live on our street. She mistook Beena for me, but that’s fine. She then asked if we were twins or related and we said no, Beena said it was a compliment but now I don’t understand Beena say’s she isn’t pretty yet she say’s I’m pretty. Then we got on the moped to get home and it wouldn’t move. I guess it didn’t like two passengers. So instead of getting off it and push it we stayed on and moved it with out feet. haha we’re such lazy asses. After that we went and got pizza and played pinball. We watched the proposal as we ate, after we hung in my room and took pictures. Then I brought her home and convinced Lesley that I tattooed my eyes to look like my contacts. I went home and slept after that.

    In the morning I woke up and motorcycled to school. Mom brought the fruit and I had the entire youth group in helping me with these two kids. We read the bible and then cut open the fruit to look at the seeds. Pat and I ate the pomegranate while the others ate the tangerine and cucumber. Pat tried to feed me cold squash and I kept on leaning away. And then I tried to feed him and apple and he like twisted me into a hug. So after that I left for home and Pat texted me asked me where I was and I said I was at home and he said he was lonely at church, I told him next week I’d stay with him.

    I watched a numbers and uploaded some photos to facebook before Mom, Dad and I went to a hockey game. Every five minutes someone get into a fight with someone else. So funny and violent. I told Pat that it was violent and he said that probably how I liked it. And then in the texts after that we found out both of us were virgins and already had our first kiss. Then somehow like, he became me date with Chris and Beena. Oh and the Sharks won, 4-1. And so now he’s going bowling with us this Saturday.

    So I’m pretty excited about Pat coming. Then he said we should bet on this game and I said I was gonna lose. So He asked what he would get if he won. I said that since he would be the winner and he asked for a hug or something. I asked what the something was. And he said he didn’t know my limits. So I told him the truth. That limits and me don’t mix well. so then he said so you’ll do anything. and I responded with, with in reason. So he wanted to look at my shirt. So I was like….. ok….

    At first we were gonna hug and then kiss and then he was like, make-out. and I said I was game for anything. So he said make out and then it all changed again and again.

    I shouldn’t even be doing this with Pat. no no no no. Bad Emma, Evil Emma. Stay away from young boys. Even though Beena has pointed out to me on many occasions that Pat is only 2 years younger then me. But like I think our relationship should strictly be…, well church related. throw in all this other stuff and it just leaves everyone screwed. Like I’ll give him a hug, hell, I’ll even give him a kiss. But now I’m hoping I win even though I suck at bowling, I’m just gonna need to find tips on how to win. It’s just so confusing and my minds messed up about him, I’ve never been one good at writing things down one paper or even a computer, but something tells me this isn’t gonna turn out well. Maybe I’ll feel better if we return it to a hug.


would_you_cry_if_i_died

  • Visit would_you_cry_if_i_died's Xanga Site
    • Name: Emma
    • Birthday: 7/17/1992
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 5/4/2008

Connect

Weblog Archives

Don't worry - your calendar is here… to see it in action just click "Save" above and refresh the page.